


Hold Your Hand

by ofWolves



Series: Not Always [2]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, British Columbia, Canada, Environmentalism, M/M, Merlin being awesome, hand holding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-03
Updated: 2013-04-03
Packaged: 2017-12-07 10:01:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/747240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ofWolves/pseuds/ofWolves
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Instead of suspensions and permanent marks in student records for things like stealing and fighting and cheating, students get a choice. They can suck it up and take the punishment, or they can choose another option - one that teaches them a lesson. Suspend a student and they'll probably do it again, humiliate them and they're not going to do it again. So long as their parents agree to it, anyway. </p><p>Arthur really doesn't like Merlin and he's not entirely sure why. So he decides to punch him in the face</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold Your Hand

**Author's Note:**

> I fail at titles, but I guess this works. It was really fun to write this one. 
> 
> My inspiration for this one came from the following picture. I thought it would be fun to write a situation about that, then added a bunch of other things along the way. So enjoy, and if you see a Facebook post or an image that you think might make a good story, I will most likely be happy to write it for you if you send it to me. 
> 
> Enjoy~

 

His school was far too full of new-age hippie crap, he decided, prodding at the phone in his hands. Though it might have been progressive to install solar panels on the rooftops and cutting back on garbage in the cafeteria by providing washable dishes that students volunteered to wash every lunch hour, it was damned irritating. And, of course, it was all his father's doing, who had discovered there was big money in engineering environmentally friendly ways to live. And as far as his father figured, what better way to capitalize on that than to go to a school? Eager young minds were always willing to learn about this kind of stuff, and offer their opinions, for free. Their school had become an experiment to completely change the way schools ran, and it was working.

 

It would have been actually pleasant had it not been his father working on the insane project. It wasn't that he didn't like his father or anything, he may have been a bit too commanding sometimes, but was overbearing and school was a way to get away from his careful judgement a little bit. With his father lurking around every corner, drawing up designs and organizing ways to make everything sustainable, he didn't get much privacy. He couldn't really be himself, he was still closely guarded.

 

To go along with the environmentally friendly crap they were pulling, they were also testing new ways to punish kids. Caught cheating? They'd take your locker apart and lay its contents on display (with parents consent, of course, but what parent would rather have their kid punished when they could just endure a little bit of public humiliation?) as a kind of 'if you feel the need to invade someone else's property, then yours obviously isn't a problem' thing. If you stole from someone, they'd take away your textbooks for a week so you'd have to borrow, and since everyone knew you were a thief, they'd be reluctant to let you share. Caught fighting? They'd make you write detailed apologies to the person you were fighting with, and post them on the walls. Cutting class? You'd be forced to miss the 'fun' classes, like art or drama or music or whatever else you liked, and instead would have to sit in on classes you didn't like, and any homework given that day was your duty to complete, even if you weren't even taking that class in the first place.

 

It really did get everyone to behave, so he supposed it was doing some good to the world. They'd humiliate you instead of punish you, which kept students in check. Some parents had complained, but the argument _for_ was much more compelling than the argument _against_. Why write notes in student's permanent records when they could be taught a real lesson so they wouldn't do it again?

 

And all the students were given the choice, get in trouble, or endure a temporary public humiliation. Most chose the second option. Once one student got hit with one of their creative punishments, word spread, no one did it again. Or at least they didn't get caught.

 

Then there was Merlin. Skinny kid, leather jacket, dark hair, tight jeans, worn out shoes and a couple shiny looking rings on his fingers. He might not have looked it, but he was the kind of guy who was big on the whole 'environment yay!' thing, probably a horribly nitpicky eater, supervegan if that was even a proper term, so if any of his food so much as touched any part of an animal he would probably refuse to touch it. And the jacket was likely fake, because a guy like that wouldn't wear real leather. He irritated Arthur to extreme levels, in part because he spent a lot of time with his father supplying new ideas. Merlin got approving glances from his father, which was rare for anyone to get, and would likely invent some hair-brained scheme that would probably work and make his father millions.

 

The kid was cheeky, a sharp grin that only crinkled his eyes when he was really happy, witty and smart and ungodly popular for reasons he couldn't fathom. He didn't act like his clothing stereotype directed, and he didn't dress like his hippie actions stated he should. And with a name like _Merlin_ one would think he would wear layers and hemp and quote horoscopes and wear rose-tinted glasses while listening to The Beatles on an old record player as he wrote out long winded poems about the beauty of cow dung. Though he was sure he was right about The Beatles thing, he thought he had heard the guy humming “ _All You Need is Love_ ” more than once. It was also irritating that Merlin seemed to always be around. He was helping hand-wash all the dishes in the cafeteria, or he was bringing detailed notes to his father to pour over, or tinkering with complicated looking designs on paper. Arthur never once spoke to him, and only offered him the occasional death glare.

 

So he supposed, with all the hate he had generated, that it was to be expected that he would end up fighting with the guy sometime soon. He expected to use his meagre literary skills to scrawl a quick note, make it a bit gushy, and then move on with his life and guffaw with his friends about it later.

 

Merlin ended up completely knocking into him, fiddling with a notebook full of scribbles and doodles as he walked. It was Merlin's fault, because Merlin hadn't been watching and Arthur was cutting it pretty close to being late for class after the lunch break had ended. Skinny kid dropped the notebook, and looked a bit shocked for a moment. “Watch it” Arthur growled. “Get your damn head out of the clouds, get out of my way” And he made to walk around him.

 

Merlin defiantly crossed his skinny arms over his chest, he wasn't wearing his usual jacket, and had a red scarf (the square kind, it wasn't winter and one of the long ones really didn't work well as the chill spring days gave way to the heat of summer) looped around his neck. “Okay, I've had enough of this. What the _hell_ is your problem and why do you give me your best glare every time you see me?” He demanded. And Arthur had a million insults rolling around on his tongue, but Merlin kept going before he could spit any of them out. “Or is it because your daddy isn't paying enough attention to you? Is that it? I actually contribute to his work and you just can't take it, so you have to take out your daddy issues on me.” Merlin was sneering, his lips pulled tight over his teeth.

 

Arthur's eyes narrowed. “I'm sure he'd love you hear you speak like that.” Because he was at a bit of a loss as to what to say, Merlin's wit was sharper than his own and he had no good comeback. “And trust me, that's not my best glare either” He kicked himself because he was normally a lot better at this.

 

Merlin laughed, “Yeah, I'm sure” He noticed that he had a bit of an accent, his words were thick and his voice was deep. “I've met flowers scarier than that.”

 

“Of course you'd bring up _flowers_ , of all things, you bloody fruit”

 

And that, it seemed, crossed a line, because before he could even revel in his finally sharpened comeback, Merlin had pulled his bony fist back and had connected it with his face. The ring on his finger sliced a clean cut across his cheekbone, and he reeled back. The fight lasted only seconds, long enough for Arthur to knock a punch into Merlin's jaw before they were being pulled roughly apart. Merlin was thrashing, his light blue eyes glinting dangerously. He didn't even seem to notice the purple bruise building on the line of his sharp jaw.

 

“In my office. _Now!”_ A voice barked, and of course it would be his father who happened to be walking by, glaring daggers at the two of them. Arthur shrank from the rush of the fight, Merlin clenched his hands into tight fists and breathed hard through his nose, quite obviously not finished yet.

 

They were marched towards his father's office, the principal of the school called to meet them. She was an ageing hippie with long messy wavy hair usually pulled into a knot at the back of her head. The two of them stood behind the desk as Merlin and Arthur sat on the chairs. Arthur sitting quietly, obediently, while Merlin sat with white knuckles from clenching his fingers so hard.

 

“What on earth is wrong with you two?” Uther demanded. “I would expect my son to act with a bit more class than this, I raised you better than that. You're not twelve, Arthur, there is no reason for you, _both of you_ to be fighting like children!”

 

The prinicpal was smirking something evil, Merlin hadn't relaxed yet, but he could feel him beginning to tremble.

 

“I believe, Mr. Pendragon, that a different punishment is in order” The woman stated, and Arthur dreaded what she was about to say. “If they want to act like children, then we can treat them like ones. Does that sound fair to you?” Merlin gave a half shrug, staring at the corner of Uther's desk. Arthur gave a shallow nod.

 

“Good. You will be excused five minutes before the end of class, you will come straight here. You are dismissed.”

 

Merlin got up and left without a note of hesitation, and Arthur stood shakily and avoided looking at his father, who likely looked absolutely livid.

 

When his class was ten minutes away from being over, Arthur left it to go and see what kind of awful punishment they had in store for them. But he supposed it was better than facing suspension, his father would never let him hear the end of it. He arrived before Merlin did, and when he did arrive, he looked sullen and unhappy. The bruise across his jaw was livid purple and Arthur expected his cheek didn't look much better.

 

They marched the two of them to the busiest hall way where there were two chairs set side by side. “Sit” Uther instructed, his arms folded over his chest. With a bit of hesitation, Arthur sat in one of the chairs while Merlin took the other.

 

“Seeing as the two of you have chosen to act like children today, we've decided to punish you as children. Take each other's hands, and stay there until the halls have cleared out. If my children ever fought, this was how I dealt with them. They were always friends at the end of it, I expect both of you to get over whatever you were fighting about. Merlin, how are you getting home tonight?” The principal was saying evenly.

 

“Bus” The skinny kid muttered.

 

“Mr. Pendragon has offered to drive you home”

 

“No. I'll walk” His voice was near a growl.

 

“Very well then. The bell will be ringing soon.” She looked far too happy about all of this.

 

At the same time, they brought their hands together. Their fingers ended up lacing together, which was the easiest way to keep them together with little effort. This was a bit humiliating, and as he sat straight in his chair, waiting for the bell to ring, he almost wished that he had taken the suspension. When it finally did ring, Arthur rest his free hand against his forehead, his elbow on his knee, leaning forwards in attempt to hide his face. Merlin only sat there, hunched slightly, staring at the floor.

 

In no time at all, a crowd had gathered. Some kept walking in their destination, others stopped to gawk, giggling behind their hands at the two boys. Some were even taking pictures, and Arthur wanted to melt away into the floor. How could his father agree to something like this?

 

Their fingers turned sweaty from being linked together for so long, but their hands stayed in place without even having to try. The last thing he wanted was to _try_ to hold Merlin’s hand. He had never held someone's hand for this long before, not even girlfriends.

 

It seemed like forever until the halls finally began to clear. Merlin had said nothing and hadn't even moved. If he concentrated, he could feel Merlin's pulse through his fingers, frantic and nervous. Though he couldn't be sure why his pulse felt like that.

 

Uther was the one who dismissed him, giving barely a glance at his son, who quickly wiped his sweaty fingers on his jeans and gathered his things. Merlin still sat in the chair, his hand hanging limply. His father was insisting that he drive Merlin home, it was late and he didn't want him walking.

 

Arthur left before he could hear the conclusion, ignoring the places his friends usually stood in favour of going home to hide his embarrassment. And check Facebook to see if anyone had posted pictures. It was something he didn't want to be linked to.

 

Once he had driven home, in the car he had spent a summer saving for, he flopped onto one of the couches in the rather large study. This building had too many rooms, he decided, but sprawled himself in the soft fabric as he poked around at school work for a bit. He heard his father pull into the driveway and braced himself for the onslaught that he knew was coming. His father walked heavily to the room Arthur was in, thoroughly displeased with his son as he towered over him. “What did you say to him?” He demanded roughly.

 

“What?”

 

“You said something to him. Merlin has never been quiet, so tell me, _what did you say to him?”_ That tone usually meant that he had to fess up or get into even more trouble. Not that he was sure what he was fessing up to.

 

“I didn't say anything, really” He replied casually. “I teased him about mentioning flowers and called him a fruit and that's when he punched me”

 

From the look on his father's face, that clearly meant nothing to him. Uther only eyed his son suspiciously before stalking off, leaving Arthur to lean back in the chair and stare at the ceiling. When he got online later, he untagged himself from every photo and kept doing it no matter how many people tagged him.

 

The next day, Merlin wasn't in school. He only knew that because he shared a single class with the guy. The day after, he still wasn't there. The teasing laughter over their hand-holding in the hall had died down to an occasional giggle as he passed. No one dared to tease him, knowing who his father was and the school's strange idea of punishment, though he nearly wished he had stayed home for a few days. On the third day, Merlin was back. He wasn't sure why he noticed it, but the fact that it didn't seem like Merlin had been eating or sleeping wasn't difficult to miss. Maybe it was because he actually did feel bad for punching him. The bruise on his jaw was green and purple and tinged with yellow, it stood out on his pale skin like a light in the darkness. He even thought of apologizing, but as soon as he had come near enough to Merlin to speak, the guy turned on his heel and stalked off without a word.

 

In the week that followed, he watched Merlin refuse to take part in the activities he had before. He no longer helped his father on projects, he didn't offer ideas, he stayed to himself. Arthur was human, and he did actually feel bad because obviously his words had got to him somehow. It didn't help when Morgana cornered him and told him to man up about this and apologize. When Arthur explained that he had tried, she deflated a bit, but told him to try harder before stalking away.

 

Eventually, Arthur noticed Merlin walking towards his father's office, and watched curiously as the door was shut and locked behind him. When he walked by again after gathering his books for his drive home, the door was still closed and Merlin was still in there.

 

Uther came home late that night, looking sullen and unhappy. He took only a glance at his son, before sighing and walking away. Arthur didn't ask, it wasn't his place, though he would admit he was almost sinfully curious.

 

The next day after classes had ended, the spring beginning to shake into summer all the way now, Arthur found Merlin in the parking lot. He was wearing the leather jacket, sucking on a cigarette and leaning against a fence. Arthur expected him to walk away when he took a spot next to him, but he didn't, as though Arthur wasn't there. “I'm sorry for what I said” Arthur said finally, the words came surprisingly easily, likely because he actually meant them and this close he could see the shadows under his eyes.

 

“Shut up” Merlin growled, his voice rough. “Go back to your Arthurland where everything's happy and your daddy gives you everything you want.”

 

Arthur was a bit taken aback. “I'm trying” He stared, growling out his words “To be nice. It's not exactly hard to see that you're upset.”

 

“Then stop looking” Merlin was turning away from him to walk away, Arthur grabbed his wrist.

 

“What is your problem?”

 

Merlin stood still for a long moment, the cigarette forgotten in his fingers. “You” He gritted out through his teeth. When Arthur said nothing and didn't let go, he let out a breath and took another drag. “You're just like your father” He said softly, finally. “You won't give up until you know everything. Are you going to corner me in your office and demand answers too?”

 

Arthur sagged, loosening his grip on Merlin's wrist. “No” He said softly. “I'm going to take you to coffee and show you I'm not a bad guy.” He tugged just lightly on Merlin's wrist in the direction of his car, before letting go of it with a gentle “Come on”.

 

Merlin followed after standing there in silence for a few moments. That action surprised Arthur, but he supposed his own actions were a bit strange for him too. But he had been, rather unfairly, cruel to Merlin. Truthfully, skinny kid hadn't done anything wrong, ever, he had just been a good guy trying to bring new ideas to the table. He slid into the driver's seat, and watched as Merlin slid in beside him. He still held the cigarette in his hands, and Arthur said nothing. He didn't let anyone smoke in his car, but somehow he felt as though he were walking on thin ice.

 

He nearly dropped into auto-pilot to drive home, but stopped himself as he edged into the street. He had someone else in the vehicle, someone who was completely silent and staring out of the open window, puffing smoke into the clean air with his bag cradled on his lap. Arthur wasn't entirely keen on the silence, and longed for something to fill it with. He didn't, in the end, because the place he wanted to go wasn't very far away and before long he would be making Merlin talk. Or maybe he should honour his word, and try not to be like his father, and simply get to know him. He wasn't sure if they even had anything in common, aside from the fact that they both saw Uther on a regular basis, it was entirely likely that they had so little in common that they wouldn't even be able to speak about anything. Then silences would become awkward and they may as well just part ways now before they got there.

 

Instead of doing any of that, he drove the two of them to the little shop. He didn't come here often, not often enough to know the menu very well, but often enough to know that they didn't often mess up on their orders and were friendly enough. Merlin was completely silent beside him, refusing to say a word like the stubborn jackass he was. But that was mean, because he was trying to be nice. He wanted to know what Merlin's problem was and why a simple comment could bother him so much.

 

Though the reason why he wanted to know was a bit unclear. Perhaps it was because it was likely that he would be seeing a lot of him. Merlin had an eye for his father's work, and when the summer came, Arthur wouldn't be surprised if Uther asked Merlin to come and work with him. He really couldn't afford to hate him, especially for no reason. When he tried to find the edges of those reasons, he couldn't see them. There was nothing solid, nothing he could actually grab onto. He had no reason to hate him, and he had done something that actually hurt him. His insides clenched uncomfortably at the thought.

 

Arthur parked at the end of the street, sliding out and letting Merlin get out on his own time. He wished he knew what he was thinking, then he could decide what to say. Why had Merlin decided to follow him? Why had that comment bothered him? Did he plan on spending his summer working with his father? Did he want to try being friends?

 

Merlin paid for both of their drinks, and Arthur took it as a peace offering. Merlin even gave him a shadow of a smile as they curled their fingers around their cups and went to find a seat. This wasn't the best place for a private conversation, but it was safe enough place.

 

Now that they were here, he didn’t know what to say. He concentrated on drinking instead, listening to the low hum of chatter around them. It was almost peaceful, if he weren’t sitting here with someone who still looked unhappy. Eventually, Merlin sat back in the chair and peered at him. “So” He started, “You’re not a bad guy, huh?”

 

Arthur shook his head, nearly laughing because this situation suddenly seemed stupid. “No, I’m not. I might be an ass sometimes but I’m not a bad guy.” At least, he didn’t think so. He was on occasion rather rude and crass, but he didn’t think he was awful or anything. He hoped he wasn’t anyways, he had always been mostly decent, even if he had hated Merlin without cause for the longest time. That just showed that he wasn’t perfect, that he was still young and stupid and didn’t understand anything yet.

 

At any rate, he was learning.

 

“A bit of an ass?” Merlin questioned, rising one eyebrow suspiciously. “I’d say you were more than that, I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who hated somebody else without even knowing them.”

 

“Yeah, it was pretty stupid of me.” He agreed, finding it easy to agree with the statement because it was true. Even if it was a pretty hefty slice to his pride to agree to something like that. But with Merlin, his pride had already been tossed out of the window when he had been told to hold his hand in front of the entire school. There was no more room for that, now it was time to be human and fess up to his mistakes.

 

The conversation was a bit rocky to start, but eventually began to flow naturally. Merlin was quite brilliant, it was as though he had already spent most of his life using the sun and the woods around him to live. School was ending soon, and Arthur asked what he was going to be doing with his Summer. Merlin admitted that he had thought about accepting Uther’s offer to help him renovate a section of the school, but hadn’t come to a decision.

 

Arthur told him that he should do it, and that his father had been at him to help out as well. Merlin had softened now, he didn’t see the hard edged boy who dressed in black and hated the world, he saw a young man who was actually doing something really good, and not just for money. His father liked the money part of it, Merlin liked to volunteer because he didn’t feel the need to get paid when he was designing something completely new.

 

He drove Merlin home later, feeling like he had been successful. He could see why people seemed to like him, and the next time he saw Merlin in the halls he gave him a nod, while Merlin gave him a slight smile back. Even Morgana seemed to be pleased with him.

 

The school year was ending, and that meant after the summer, he would be heading into his last year. He occasionally met Merlin after classes ending, who insisted that they walked instead of driving because it was _nice_ out. And as school ended and the talk of the rebuild on a section of the school, camera crews were beginning to make an appearance. Filming kids, interviewing people, taking pictures of the art wing (pretty fitting that the art and drama and music wing of the school was going to be rebuilt) before it was torn town, and discussing everything. Kids who had been subjected to the ‘hippie punishments’ were laughing about it on camera, telling the lens that they definitely learned their lesson and had no desire to repeat the offence.

 

For once, Arthur felt a bit inspired by all of it. And Merlin was the spotlight of it all. That quickly became apparent when, one sunny day after school, the CBC reporter finally caught up to Merlin and asked for an interview. Arthur sat to the side, watching and listening as Merlin grinned his eye-crinkling grin and spoke about all that he had been doing. He shared the things he had personally come up with, went into detail a few more of the things he had been planning. Merlin, right here and now, was making a name for himself. Though his father funded everything and worked out the finances, Merlin spearheaded the ideas. He ran this.

 

The sun was bright, and as the school year ended and after all the exams were done he stood in a crowd, surrounded by his friends and Merlin and all of Merlin’s friends, they watched them tear down the art wing of the school. The screech of the excavators and the crumble of concrete filling the air, dust shimmering in the bright sun. And afterwards, more than half of the crowd made their way down to the beach only a few blocks away to jump into the lake with all their clothes to wash off all the dust and the remains of the chains school had set upon all of them.

 

Arthur was happy, and Merlin was too. People split off in twos and threes and eventually there was a group of them about twelve thick heading over to Arthur’s house for a few drinks. It was a mix of his and Merlin’s friends, and his father actually agreeing to pick up liquor for them, none of them were nineteen yet, so long as they gave him their keys so no one was driving. They could collect them in the morning.

 

They lounged outside on the grass, drinking the creative drinks that Gwen, and the girl named Freya she had instantly bonded with, had mixed for them. Morgana had rummaged through the cupboards for enough glasses and mix for them all. Merlin was actually quite talented at juggling, and wound up swinging the bottles around a bit, careful not to spill or let any of them crash against the concrete. Someone was shouting at him to juggle knives but he could only laugh and insist that he definitely wasn’t sober enough to do that.

 

The drinks flowed at an easy pace, they were inside and outside and his father had gone off to another side of the house to not get in their way. Gwaine, well on the road to ‘totally smashed’ was playing a game of cards and calling Leon a faggot. Arthur couldn’t help but notice the way that Merlin kept tensing up every time he heard it. Was Merlin gay? Was that why he was suddenly looking so uncomfortable? They had started fighting, not too long ago, because Arthur had called him a fruit.

 

He watched Merlin until he had finally had enough of Gwaine’s drunken shouting and slipped from the room. Arthur followed, he hadn’t known Merlin was gay.

 

He found Merlin outside, everyone had moved the party back indoors. The sun was setting against the mountains, turning the clouds pale pink in the sky. Arthur said nothing as he walked up beside him, sitting down beside him at the edge of the pool, letting his bare feet swish through the water.

 

“Are you alright?” He asked gently, Merlin had not stood up or made any kind of indication that Arthur should leave, and he could only look at the same sunset he had seen thousands of times for so long.

 

“Your father made me tell him.”

 

Confused, Arthur simply looked at him.

 

“He wanted to know why I reacted like I did, back then. I told him. I had to. He said he would never tell anyone. But he told you, didn’t he? That’s why you’re out here. That’s why you were watching me.” His voice was low, almost defeated.

 

Arthur shook his head. “He didn’t tell me anything.” He said honestly, he hadn’t even thought about asking him about that. “I just guessed.”

 

Merlin laughed dryly. “My mother moved us to Texas first, some hick town, my best friend, Will, came with us because he had no one else to go to, and we couldn’t leave him behind.” Arthur listened intently, watching the shadows of the sun splay over his face. “He didn’t hide that he was gay, and I guess that was the wrong town to go to. A group of kids were following us, I thought they were just going to shout insults or something. I didn’t know they followed us.” Arthur knew where this was going and felt a little bit sick. He had never been faced with anything like this, he hadn’t really known anyone who way gay (though he wondered about Gwaine sometimes) and had never really formed an opinion. He had put a hand on Merlin’s knee without even thinking about it.

 

“He didn’t make it. Someone must have seen, called the cops or something, but it was too late when they got there. There was nothing they could have done.” Merlin’s words broke over his tongue, and he was bending his head and grasping Arthur’s fingers tightly.

 

After a moment, he straightened. His eyes were a little moist but he looked calm enough. “We moved here. Mum didn’t want to live there anymore. She said Canada would be better, it didn’t happen as often, and a small town like this one wouldn’t end up with me getting killed.”

 

It was a little confession that Merlin was actually gay, but he held onto his hand anyways because Merlin still trembled a little bit. “Were you seeing Will?” He asked. Merlin laughed shakily.

 

“Not a chance in hell. He was worse than you when I met you. Really judgemental, didn’t make friends easily, he was a bit like Gwaine actually.”

 

The door behind them opened, and that made the fact that he was holding Merlin’s hand obvious if someone else could see it. He pulled it away, trying to look natural and not like he had been caught doing something bad. “I was wondering where you guys went” Freya said warmly, “Gwaine got punched again, he tried hitting on Morgana.” Arthur laughed, and clapped Merlin on the shoulder.

 

“Gwaine is useless when he’s drunk” He said cheerfully. Merlin offered him a bit of a smile, but he could tell all was not forgotten. Arthur was trying to shake off the weight of the news but it wasn’t easy, it was a lot to swallow. He could see, now, why Merlin had reacted the way he had during their first confrontation. He had probably heard all those things before Will had died.

 

When they got inside, Merlin suddenly looked a bit panicked and grabbed Arthur’s arm, hauling him into another room. “Don’t tell anyone what I told you” He instructed quietly. Confused, Arthur cocked his head to the side.

 

“Why would I?”

 

“No, not about Will. I know you wouldn’t. Just, about me. Don’t treat it as a secret or anything, just don’t tell people.” Which didn’t make a lot of sense, actually. “I don’t want it to be a big deal.”

 

“How come?”

 

Merlin shrank a bit, folding his arms over his chest. “I just don’t want anyone to treat me any differently. I don’t know if they would or not but.. I know that nothing bad is going to happen here, I’m just..”

 

But that’s when Arthur understood, and slung an arm over his shoulders. Merlin was worried, he had survived one ordeal at a great cost, and didn’t want to face anything else. It didn’t matter which gender Merlin liked or not, it didn’t make or break who he was. If he came out, it might become the biggest thing about him, it could be the largest title on his back. And that wasn’t who Merlin was.

 

Arthur drank a bit more, but his drunk had been crushed a little bit at Merlin’s story. But they both seemed to pick up their moods and get into a game of sociables (Arthur was in the perfect state to play, drunk enough to think of fantastic rules when he drew the eight and sober enough to not end up destroying himself). Merlin sat and watched for a little while, before joining into the game half way through.

 

Slowly the party faded off, and their celebration of the end of school came to a close. Morgana, Gwen, and Freya had retreated to Morgana’s room for whatever soon-to-be-hungover girls did. The rest fanned out across the couches rather than locating a spare room. The games had been turned on and everyone was to the sleepy stage of drunk where all they wanted to do was sit and stare at the screen. Those with enough energy could play the game.

 

It was Arthur, Merlin, and Gwaine piled on one couch far too small for three people. Merlin had settled against his chest (and he was shirtless again, somehow, he wasn’t sure why anymore) and was lazily playing some random game Arthur couldn’t even remember buying. He and Gwaine were back to back, and he was pretty sure Gwaine had fallen asleep.

 

Then he was falling asleep too. Only briefly, when he opened his eyes the television was left on after the systems were turned off and shining a bright dark light into the room, he could hear the buzz of it. Most people had got up to find a room to sleep in, or an actual bed. He thought he saw someone sleeping on the couch, and Gwaine was gone, so Arthur was laying against a couple pillows. His mouth felt fuzzy, and there was something heavy on top of him.

 

Merlin was asleep, one palm spread across Arthur’s chest with his head pillowed on top of it. He was still fully clothed, which Arthur found a little bit funny. But he was slowly getting more and more uncomfortable, there was something painful – likely a controller – digging into his back. Merlin was curled between his legs, a blanket sliding down one of his arms. With great effort he nudged Merlin, who groaned awake and only opened his eyes to peer at Arthur before closing them again.

 

He tried to, gently, shove Merlin onto the floor, which only ended up in Merlin clinging to him and Arthur ending up leading him to his room. Though on the way to his room, he did notice that one of the spare room doors had been left open, and he was pretty sure that was Percy and Gwaine snuggled up together under the blankets.

 

So he ended up falling asleep in his room (with the door closed) with Merlin tucked close to him. He was still a bit drunk and so sleepy that he was probably going to fall over any minute. And Merlin seemed to have become a koala clinging to its favourite tree and mostly refused to let go. And Arthur was okay with that, really.

 

At least until morning, when the sun was awfully bright and glinting directly into his eyes. And there was Merlin, one of his long arms around Arthur’s waist with the other tucked under his neck, their legs were a little bit tangled and for a moment, he enjoyed it. It was a lot better to hide his face in Merlin’s arm than to face the glare of the sun in the room. Thankfully, the hangover was minor and though he was probably dying of thirst, it would be done if he got a little bit more sleep.

 

Eventually, the desire for water became too great and he carefully untangled himself from Merlin, peering down at him and deciding he wasn’t going to think about it.

 

He made his way to the kitchen to grab water, the girls were already up looking all cheerful and bright like they hadn’t just drank their weight in liquor last night. He grabbed two glasses of water, after downing one and a half of them himself, before grunting at the girls and making his way back to his room. He flopped back into the bed, and Merlin surprisingly didn’t latch onto him again. Maybe it was just a drunk thing.

 

He was settling back in to sleep when he heard Merlin’s croaky voice greeting him. “Water’s there” He said, reaching over slowly to find one of the glasses. He heard Merlin grin, without even looking at him, and his happy ‘thanks’ when he handed it off to him. He drank gratefully, and handed it back to him.

 

Once he had set it down he settled again. How could Merlin look so awake?

 

“I didn’t make a fool of myself did I?”

 

“Huh? What? No, of course not.”

 

“You mean I didn’t mistake you for a teddy bear?”

 

“Oh, that” Arthur said offhandedly, grinning. When Merlin pales and opens his mouth to speak (probably to apologize) Arthur only laughs. “Don’t worry about it” He said casually, because it wasn’t that big a deal. Merlin got cuddly when he was drunk, Arthur certainly didn’t mind, and if he had tried he probably could have left Merlin on the couch.

 

They made their way to the kitchen, Uther was handing out keys and overseeing the girls cooking a giant breakfast. Some had already left, but a few stayed. Suspiciously, Percy and Gwaine hadn’t emerged from the spare room. And the door had been closed when he walked by. He wondered if, maybe, there was something going on between them. Gwaine had never really gone with anyone in their group of friends.

 

The day wound down slowly, everyone had to get back to their jobs and Arthur was sure that his father was going to need his help, somehow. They only had the summer to get it done, and now that he had befriended Merlin, he actually cared enough to help, unlike before, where he had refused to do anything for his father and had gone off to find a job that kept him away from the house most nights. This year was different.

 

Gwaine emerged, finally, looking flushed and terribly happy. Arthur punched him in the shoulder and laughed, especially when Percy slid into the rest of the room wearing a matching grin and slinging an arm around Gwaine’s shoulder. No one seemed surprised.

 

He spared a glance at Merlin, whose expression was unreadable but nothing negative. He looked, at any rate, cheerful. He wondered if Merlin would question his request to ask Arthur not to talk about it. But he wouldn’t push, he knew now some of Merlin’s ‘why’s, he wasn’t going to ask or prod any more.

 

It only took about a week for the contractors to clear away the rubble, and once that was done everything was getting started. Now that he wasn’t so negative on the whole thing, it was quite fascinating. Merlin had come up with some of the ideas, and his father had secured the materials. He had hired a designer to create the layout, and then it was done.

 

They worked quickly, and soon enough Arthur was standing in the heat of the summer sun, stacking strange bricks and trying not to get splinters from the sturdy recycled wood. Merlin was always there, bringing Arthur water in a metal bottle that clanged pleasantly with all the ice in it. Percy was there too, and the three of them chatted. Merlin carried a clipboard and the hard hat shone yellow from the sun. He watched the way he crinkled his eyes to protect them from how bright it was, and after a few days of this Arthur bought him actual sunglasses that made him look like a whole other person.

 

He could tell Merlin was happy about it, and one day Percy talked to them on a lunch break about Gwaine. He mentioned how he hadn’t expected it to last, and that he hadn’t dared to try for months. He had been denying Gwaine’s advances, and finally he had decided he would try. And it had paid off. He could almost feel Merlin looking at him, but when he looked up he saw him punching something into his phone. He couldn’t imagine how someone could see this as something awful. It wasn’t much different than if he had been talking about a new girlfriend or something. Though he really didn’t want to hear about the sex part of it, and that was only because it was _Gwaine_ and he had known him for years and had no desire in hearing about his junk.

 

That night they got together at the lake to light a fire in one of the metal drums on the sand. As the night wore on, hiding their beers in pop cans that had been snipped to fit cleanly over the metal (“It looks like we’re just drinking pop! It’s brilliant!”), Merlin grew quiet. When he said that he was going to go home, just as the sun was setting pink over the mountains, Arthur followed him.

 

“You’re not leaving yet?”

 

“I have to”

 

“How come? Tomorrow’s Saturday, we’re not building tomorrow.”

 

Merlin smiled, but Arthur could see the sadness in them. Behind them, he could hear the shouts of their friends combined, who had all found friends with each other, and the waves pouring against the sand.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“It’s been a year” He said gently, his voice a little choked.

 

The realization crashed into him, then, and he deflated. He slid a hand to Merlin’s shoulder “Want me to come with you?” He asked gently.

 

“Nah, go have fun” His voice was still a bit strangled.

 

“There will be other nights. Let me grab my things.” With that, he was rushing back towards the group and picking up the bad, he also grabbed the beer from its place in the sand and pushed it into Gwaine’s hands (he had only planned on having just one, no more, because he was driving). “Merlin and I are gonna go for a drive” He said pleasantly, toeing his feet into the hemp sandals Merlin had insisted he buy.  Someone wolf-whistled, and there was a cackle of laughter all around him. He didn’t think anything of it, waving to them as he jogged back to Merlin.

 

Merlin was leaning against the passenger side of his car, smoking a cigarette and looking miserable. He remembered the last time he had seen him look like that.

 

He didn’t tell Merlin not to smoke in his car, just like the last time.

 

“Hey, I haven’t seen you smoke in a long time” He mentioned, glancing at him curiously. He hadn’t even noticed it, either watching him or smelling it on him, more than once or twice.

 

“Don’t like to do it a lot.” He said softly. “Want me to put it out before I get in?”

 

Arthur shook his head, he would have preferred if he put it out first, but as he slid into the car and found he would allow it, he didn’t really care if it was him. Merlin rolled the window down and sat leaning against the door, holding the cigarette out of the window. He pressed a hand to his shoulder briefly. “Where do you want to go?” He asked.

 

“My house” He said softly. “Just for now. If that’s okay.”

 

Arthur had never been inside Merlin’s house before, though he had dropped him off many times. When they got there, Merlin rubbed his eyes and left his bag in the car, Arthur did too and the two of them made their way into the house. Merlin’s mother looked up from the table sadly, and gave Arthur a warm smile. She stood to hug her son, wrinkling her nose. “You shouldn’t smoke” She scolded, petting his hair.

 

“I don’t” He said quietly, Arthur shrunk a bit to let them have their moment. She turned to him with a smile.

 

“I’m Hunith” She said softly. “Merlin’s told me all about you.” Merlin was flopping himself into a chair, ignoring the conversation. Then she hesitated, looking between the both of them.

 

“He knows” He said gently, Hunith nodded and motioned to the table. Arthur sat on Merlin’s right.

 

She put the kettle on, petting her son’s hair fondly. “Thank you, Arthur.” She smiled warmly at him, and Arthur could only form a slight smile as she exited the kitchen. He didn’t really know how to comfort anyone, he couldn’t imagine losing a friend like that. So he did the only thing he could think of, scooting the chair closer and draping an arm over Merlin’s shoulders. He held him to his side, not saying anything because he didn’t know what to say.

 

Merlin was leaning on him a little bit, and eventually he was squirming slightly and letting his head droop to Arthur’s shoulder. He just waited, saying nothing and keeping his arm around him. He was glad to be here, even though he felt a bit uncomfortable and uncertain about what he was doing.

 

Hunith returned, ushering them into the living room so she could make something for dinner. And after all of that, eating and chatting and coaxing a few small smiles out of Merlin, he felt like he had actually helped him a little bit. He felt like he had done something good. He even had Merlin laughing a little bit at one of his dumb jokes, his smile was coming out easily now. The three of them (he never really sat around like this with parents in the room, he expected to censor himself a little bit around Hunith but when Merlin didn’t, and she didn’t seem to care, he decided not to) sat around the living room, watching dumb movies and talking. He could still tell that Merlin was sad, but it wasn’t getting the best of him.

 

It was warm and comforting to waste an evening here. They moved outside as the sun was setting, sitting on the grass and talking. Silence crept between them after a while, counting the stars in the sky as the sun fell behind the mountains. “You okay?” He asked, eventually.

 

“I guess it’s just weird.” Merlin replied, finally, “knowing I’ll never see him again. I knew him all my life. But I can’t do anything about it now, can I? He’s the reason I started looking into all of this.” He waved his hand in the air absently, letting himself flop down onto his back. Arthur followed him, and they lay there staring at the stars. The stars were why he liked his little town so much, the stars were easier to see at night. Though at his house, it was a lot easier to see them.

 

“All of what?” Arthur asked. “The stuff with the school?” And his father, the whole reason he hadn’t even liked Merlin in the beginning.

 

“Yeah” The other mumbled, letting his arm drape over his face with a shuddering sigh. So Arthur slid his hand under Merlin’s neck, and when he rose his head to give Arthur access, he pulled Merlin a little closer so he could rest his head on his shoulder. They stayed like that for so long Arthur began to wonder if Merlin had fallen asleep.

 

Eventually Merlin was shifting, sitting up slowly and brushing his hand through his hair. “You probably want to get home, huh?” He asked, looking over at him as Arthur sat up, smiling sheepishly. Arthur only shrugged because he didn’t care. There was nothing specific he had to do tomorrow.

 

“I don’t mind staying.” He had no clue what time it was and didn’t really care. Merlin took care of that one, though, it was well after two AM. “Though if you want me to leave, I’ll leave. I don’t mind if you wanted some alone time.”

 

Merlin grinned. “Whatever you want to do.”

 

He did end up going home but not until about four AM, when the sun was just beginning to lighten the mountains. Once he was home, he wondered if he should have just stayed there. Merlin sent him a message, thanking him again for being there.

 

He wound up texting Merlin until about seven AM, when the sky was pale blue and the sun was bright in the cold summer morning. He fell asleep grinning after hanging a dark sheet over his window to keep the light out, his phone on the table beside his bed, which unfortunately decided to start ringing after being asleep for only about two hours. Grumpily, he answered (he was going to just ignore it, but there was half a chance it was important) with a groggy “Hello?”

 

“Are you _still_ sleeping?” Gwaine asked,

 

“Pulled an all nighter” He murmured, shifting in his bed and examining the dark room. It was warm, almost too warm to be comfortable.

 

“Stayed up late with Merlin, eh? What were you doing to keep you up all night?” He missed the suggestiveness in the question.

 

But he had to lie, he wasn’t about to tell Gwaine anything about Will. “Uh, just talking.” He said, though Gwaine could probably see through his lie. Thankfully, he didn’t ask.

 

“Oh yeah? I was wondering how long it was going to take you.” Which really confused Arthur, but he was half asleep, so he chopped it up to being too asleep to think. “Well we’re going to float down the river today, you in?”

 

“Sure?”

 

“Tell Merlin to come too.” And with a wild cackle Gwaine was hanging up the phone. Though he was confused about that too, wouldn’t it be easier if Gwaine just called Merlin?

 

He fell asleep for another hour before giving up entirely, he could hear his father moving through the house and sleeping was a lost cause. After he had showered, he met his father in the kitchen, who was reading over a few things. “Merlin is quite brilliant.” He said approvingly. “He will go very far in this world.”

 

Arthur grinned, dropping slices of bread into the toaster cheerfully. Uther carefully folded the pieces of paper, sliding them into an envelope. “Do you know where he plans on going to school?”

 

“No, not a clue.” He said with a shrug.

 

Uther nodded. “If he mentions it, let me know.” With that, he was heading into another room, and Arthur was left to enjoy his toast alone. He sent a quick message to Merlin, and seeing as he didn’t reply, he was probably still sleeping. So he went down to the river to meet them.

 

Gwaine was first with the ‘where’s Merlin?’. He, and everyone else, seemed to be quite entertained by the fact that Arthur told him he was still sleeping. He wasn’t sure what that was supposed to mean.

 

The days passed quickly, drinking by the beach (there was a fire ban in the province for the summer, the beach had a few barrels here and there across the sand for fires to burn safely) and toasting whatever they happened to have with them over the open flame. Such as chips, and one memorable time, popcorn that burned at the bottom but still ended up being pretty good. The birds the next day picked the spot of beach clean of the pieces they had thrown at each other.

 

Then he met Sophia.

 

He didn’t take her seriously, really, it was just something fun. She came down on vacation because her father was taking part in the triathlon, which was like the Ironman hosted a few towns over but less intense. So it was just a bit of fun before school started again. When he told Gwaine about it, he was shocked. “But what about Merlin?” He asked as they sat on his porch one afternoon.

 

“What about him?” He asked, because it didn’t make any sense to him. Why would Merlin be involved in the situation between him and Sophia?

 

“I thought you two were an item.”

 

“What? Where on earth did you get that idea?”

 

“You two are always going off alone together, you put your arm around him all the time and you’re always staying up all night together. We all thought you two were nailing.”

 

“What?” And that was something he hadn’t thought about before. He knew Merlin was gay, but he had never thought that someone would pin that to him too. He didn’t think anyone would think he was actually involved with him. His phone chimed in his pocket and he pulled it out, it was Merlin and suddenly he wondered if their constant texting, when they weren’t with each other, was normal for just friends.

 

“Jesus, Arthur.” He said with an amused sigh. “You really have no idea, do you?”

 

“What do you mean?” He was still staring at his phone and the random message he had received. They had done this the whole summer, it seemed, why now did it suddenly seem different?

 

“You’ve changed since you’ve been friends with Merlin. You’re happier, less of a dick, he brings out the best in you and I think you inspire him.”

 

He didn’t say anything else about the subject, sinking into silence as he thought. His phone rang again, this time it was Sophia telling him ‘ _I want a ride. When will you be here?_ ’ He frowned, and flipped back to Merlin’s message. ‘ _I’m making French toast. Want some?_ ’

 

He smiled a little bit, replying to Merlin’s message. ‘ _Why are you making french toast? Isn’t that more of a breakfast thing?_ ’

 

Gwaine was smirking. “You should really just lose Sophia, you know. She’s a tramp.”

 

Arthur shrugged. But he couldn’t help but think that maybe Gwaine was right. He hadn’t actually told Merlin about Sophia, he hadn’t really wanted to. He pulled his phone out again ‘ _What would you think if I was dating someone?_ ’ he sent.

 

‘ _French toast is a whenever-you-want kind of food! And I think that would be great, why, did you meet someone?_ ’

 

He frowned. Well, that didn’t follow with what Gwaine had said. Everything was fine.

 

‘ _Sorta. She’s only here for a few weeks, not really too into it though_ ’

 

‘ _You shouldn’t lead her on_ ’

 

He put his phone in his pocket, and looked at Gwaine. “So what’re you and Merlin talking about?” He asked with a grin. Arthur only shrugged, because he didn’t know what else to say about it.

 

And now that Gwaine had set the idea in his head, he couldn’t concentrate on being near Sophia anymore. He ended up ending it, telling her that he’d rather have something long term and he wasn’t interested in anything long distance. She huffed and whined but didn’t seem too sad about it, so he went on his way. The problem with all of this was that now he was wondering about he and Merlin.

 

He tried not to let it show, but as the summer neared its end and the school was just about completed, it began to show just a little. And the school looked fantastic, even though Merlin was purely an amateur and had no schooling, his designs were the ones that were used. A professional had run through the designs with Merlin, tweaking them and giving him advice. The school echoed everything Merlin was.

 

They were painting the interior walls, and he normally would have worked with Merlin on this, but somehow he couldn’t. Something felt different. And he didn’t know what it was, or why it suddenly seemed to matter. It could have been what Gwaine said, and the brief appearance of Sophia in his life. Suddenly he was questioning everything they did together, and wondering how it looked to everyone else around them. Merlin had even stopped texting him so frequently, which made him a little bit sad. But he knew what he was doing, he was pushing Merlin away. And without Merlin in his life, he missed him. He had become a constant companion, someone he worked with and admired and enjoyed spending time with.

 

So now that he was questioning what Merlin was to him, he didn’t know what to do about it. Suddenly every time he spoke to Merlin it seemed like it could be taken the wrong way, and every message he sent or received from him seemed like flirting. Did he like Merlin that way, or was he reading too deeply into these things?

 

He was painting alone for the moment, he was sure Merlin was in another classroom, probably doing something more important than painting. His worn out jeans were dotted with paint and the windows were wide open to let the sun and the breeze into the room. He liked the idea that, when school started, if he had classes here he could know that he had helped build it. His hands had helped put together Merlin’s designs.

 

When he was done for the day (just one more coat and it would be finished) he left to find his friends. He found Merlin and Percy sipping iced drinks from the Timmies down the road happily. He greeted them with a smile and a wave, coming to sit beside them. Everything seemed normal, really, he didn’t sit beside Merlin, and normally he would have and that idea had him a bit distracted.

 

And later that night, sprawled in his bed with the fan on full blast and the window opened to let the cool nighttime air seep in, he wondered if it would be such a bad thing to be with him like that. It was never something he thought about before, never an option he had considered because he had always liked girls. Would it be weird if he tried something? Or would it be as natural as being friends with him?

 

So Arthur decided that maybe he would try it. If the opportunity came up, he would try kissing him or something, maybe, because summer was nearly over and they would be in their own classes and it would be easy enough to ignore him if things went sour. But would the experiment be worth it if it ruined their friendship? But if they were friends, surely they could get over it if they talked about it. They had, after all, become friends after Arthur had punched him in the face.

 

The next morning, he was back to being Merlin’s friend, texting when they weren’t together and laughing when they were. Now he was just waiting, and his waiting would keep taking him to the end of the summer. After the new wing of the school was finished to the day before classes started.

 

It was called Sunrise. Only people who were going into their last year of high school could go to it. If someone was too old or young (aside from parents, some of them decided to stick around to make sure everyone was alright) they were kicked out and told to go home. It was basically a bush party, everyone got their parents to drive them up the hill and they were there to drink their guts out. It was a tradition, one that had been going on for years. And though the whole town didn’t agree on it, no one stopped them. Last year, he heard, a couple of police officers showed up and just hung out, making sure no one started fighting and offered rides to people whose parents didn’t have one. They also brought jugs of water and paper cups for anyone a bit too intoxicated who weren’t properly prepared.

 

So Arthur was going, and his father had agreed to drive them all up the hill, as well as pick them up if anyone was sober enough to work a cell phone. Merlin’s mother insisted on driving Merlin up there himself so she would know where it was her son was going to be partying. Everything was great, really.

 

It was a large area, bonfires were created (but the fire ban was still in place until autumn officially hit, so there were buckets of water and there was plenty of sand) and some people even brought couches and tables. Arthur was thrilled, he had heard so many stories about Sunrise, now that he was here he was determined to walk away with stories of his own. And maybe he could end up kissing Merlin, but because they would both be drunk he would have to kiss him again tomorrow too, to let him know he was serious. Of course, if he even enjoyed it, because he wasn’t sure if he would or not. He wasn’t even sure what his feelings were, he had this ridiculous idea in his head that if he kissed him, everything would suddenly make sense and he could decide if he properly liked Merlin or not.

 

He didn’t expect Merlin to have any issues with that, nor did he wonder if Merlin even thought of him that way or not. He didn’t know what Merlin would think about it, but he was so intent on figuring out himself that he didn’t think that far.

 

They were a few drinks in, sitting on one of the couches and sipping one litre bottles of Palm Bay spiked with tequila in front of one of the fires. Someone was drunkenly trying to balance a bit of cookie on a stick so they could heat it over the fire. He was a bit fascinated by it, because there was no way the cookie was going to stay there but she wasn’t giving up, even when she dropped the cookie in the dust. A simple swipe of it against her shirt got it clean enough and she was back at it. He stopped paying attention because Merlin was speaking, his voice a little loud and his laughter bubbling out of him. He put his arm around him, because the action seemed easy and Merlin didn’t seem to care or mind, he didn’t pull away but he didn’t lean into him.

 

Well maybe he did lean into him a little bit, or maybe that was just Arthur leaning because the armrest of the couch had some beer (or something amber coloured) spilled onto it and he didn’t want to lean on that and leaning was just kind of good right now. Merlin was also smoking, which he didn’t understand. “Don’t you only do that when you’re upset?” He asked, confusion laced in his voice and he was pretty sure he heard Gwen squeak, or squeal.

 

“Awe, that’s so cute!” She exclaimed giddily, clapping her hands together with her drink balanced between her knees. The red cup dented from being held there for so long.

 

Merlin flushed a little bit, nudging Arthur with his elbow. “If you haven’t been drinking and smoking at the same time, you haven’t _lived_ ” He said with a grin. “But don’t you dare start smoking, I’ll kill you.”

 

“I’d like to see you try.”

 

And as much as Arthur wanted to share stories of all the things that happened, like the girl who tried to roast the cookie and the guy who came up to them at least five times and loudly announced “Hi I’m Ryan!” before walking away to repeat the action, he and Merlin were still sitting on the couch long after his friends had wandered off to refuel and mingle. And this time he could be sure that Merlin was leaning into him. They were leaning on each other, he was sure, and Merlin looked a bit pretty with the way the fire reflected on his skin. How he stayed so pale in the heat of the summer didn’t make any sense to him, while Arthur had burned and tanned Merlin remained pale with pink tipped ears and a slight redness on the back of his neck.

 

He found out, later, that the police did arrive, handing out cups of water to anyone who looked a bit too wobbily. They didn’t even seem to care that people were rolling and smoking joints freely (but then again, this was BC, and bud was one of the things the province was known for). One of them, an older woman (and Arthur would have guffawed stupidly if her badge said ‘Officer Jenny’) named Naomi came by to talk to them, asking them how they were doing and probably judging their drunkenness.

 

She walked away and Merlin was laughing, and Arthur wondered if he had gone mad or something. But he liked it, he liked all of it. Merlin was curled into him, later, as some had begun to go home and some of the fires had been put out. He was definitely drunk, and he hadn’t got up in awhile and didn’t trust his legs. If he got up, he was probably going to fall down and that wouldn’t be good. Later, this moment would be a bit hazy.

 

But he wanted to kiss Merlin, so he brushed one hand under his chin to catch his attention, and leaned in without hesitating. Merlin pushed him away before he was able to close the distance completely. He guessed that the fact that it hurt meant everything he had been uncertain about. He had heard Merlin murmur his name, almost breathlessly, and Arthur couldn’t breathe for a moment and stared hard in the fire instead of at him. He didn’t want to see sympathy, and everything came to him. He had been an idiot for thinking that, just because he liked Merlin, didn’t mean that Merlin liked him too.

 

But Merlin didn’t get up and leave, he didn’t pull away, and though there was a chance that he was simply too drunk to get up, he stayed curled close to him and that was good at least. Nothing was ruined between them, but Arthur was facing the sting of rejection. So, at least, he still had his friendship.

 

They called his father late into the night, four AM, some of the last people out that night, and he obediently came down to get them all. Arthur was right, when he stood up he felt far more drunk and a little bit sick, and he think Merlin felt the same. They each downed a bunch of water and woozily made their way to the car when Uther got there. They sat together, and Arthur almost wanted to ask Merlin if he would just spend the night (some others were going to be staying at his house that night) but he didn’t, because seeing Merlin once he was sober and probably painfully hungover first thing in the morning wouldn’t be fun.

 

He felt entirely awful when he woke up to head to the first day of school. But that was part of the tradition, getting so drunk standing was difficult then being insanely hungover the next day. It was a rite of passage, the beginning of the final year of going to school, it made them stand out, in their groggy fog, that they were nearly done with school. And they were going to a school that he had helped build. Nothing could be better, really.

 

Part of his hangover was the unhappy twinge of Merlin’s rejection. He was an idiot because he didn’t think it through, and when he saw Merlin, who looked like a wreck with messy hair and bags under his eyes coupled with a cheery smile, he couldn’t be too upset about it. The memories were a bit hazy and until he got into the car he had checked his pockets at least a thousand times in a brief fit of paranoia that he would leave something behind (but he was sitting in a couch, he hadn’t left anything behind), he really hated that the paranoia was one of the things he remembered clearly while other things were a little disjointed.

 

He grinned in response to his smile, and they walked together to go explore the new wing that had been furnished and decorated flawlessly. Large solar panels were attached to the roof, and there was even a garden up there for students who wanted to volunteer to take care of it. And maybe he would agree to help out in that one, just to do more.

 

Though nothing had changed, he sensed that there was something different. While being unbearably hungover and lidding his eyes to keep away the bright lights of the classrooms as they moved to each new class, he couldn’t figure out what it was.

 

It wasn’t until the next day, when the hangover had faded and he was able to think properly that he pinpointed it. Merlin seemed shy around him, almost, which was strange because Merlin was full of confidence and nothing ever seemed to make him shy before this. And it was all Arthur’s doing, wasn’t it? But it would be okay, as long as he never spoke about it, Merlin would stop being shy and things would go back to normal.

 

Everything was going well, Merlin appeared in the news and the papers as one of the youngest students to design a sustainable school. He was sure that universities would be begging for him to attend, and it was all his own work. Merlin was brilliant, and Arthur could only hope that if Merlin found someone he did like that wasn’t Arthur that he would treat him well.

 

Their first weekend after classes started Arthur and Merlin were lounging in his back yard, in and out of the pool and enjoying the sun before summer faded into autumn. They didn’t have long now, it was already getting colder. Some others were going to be dropping by soon, his father was back into his role at the school and busy taking care of everything.

 

They were back in the pool, diving down to the bottom to see if there were any glow sticks left over from one of the parties here, where they had gone swimming in the dark with at least two hundred of the things between the lot of them. They did find a few that they had missed when they cleaned the next day and laughed about it. Arthur was a bit happier, not as sullen about the rejection but Merlin still seemed a little shy. That was the day he found out why.

 

Merlin swam over to him, his hair was sticking up in odd ends and he was sure he heard someone pull up into the driveway. He had his arms on the side of the pool, his feet balanced on the little ledge where it started getting deeper when Merlin put his cool hands on his shoulders, using him to stay floating. Merlin tasted like the salt from the pool when he kissed him, and Arthur nearly slipped and fell into the water in shock at the rush of something nearly painfully pleasant shooting through him.

 

It all made sense then, as he wrapped an arm around his back and let him get close. He had let alcohol give him the courage but it made sense that Merlin wouldn’t want that, now that he was here kissing him. He grinned into his mouth, tasting the salt on his lips and the heat of his tongue. When he pulled away, hearing voices of their friends making their way around the back of the house, Merlin grinned. “You’re such an idiot, you know that?” He said with a laugh, pulling away completely and hauling his skinny frame from the pool to go greet the others. Arthur grinned a bit stupidly after him, watching him for a moment before climbing out of the pool to join him.  


End file.
